I weigh in on weight loss.... (for this week anyway)

Happy... yes...228.2! from 230.6 that is over 2 pounds!  The best part is I know I did it the right way!  I have realized that I will do this finally. I know that I am comfortable with the beginning pace, I am not all crazy (like I usually do) and dropping like 5 lbs then getting upset when it comes back. I know that I must sllllooowwwly reset my "set point" (more information about a set point later).  I am excited because I know part of the weight I am carrying is GONE.  I set a goal, to lose 2 lbs this week and I did it.  I know that 2 lbs a week for a year is probably not a reality but IF I did lose 2 lbs a week that would seriously put me at 126 in a year-- the best part...that is TOO thin for me!  SO as I consider the possibility that I really could complete my weight loss in under a year and switch to weight management.. that is exciting. I have never sat down and though about it, but a year that isn't very long and reality I have completed week ONE So, that leave 51 weeks to go. THAT's NOT that long!  Where will I be on 15 Sept 2012?  I will be in WEIGHT MANAGEMENT!  SO that is why I have a happy face!  I am excited at what is going to happen over the next year.

Well my stomach seems to think waiting an extra hour to eat is a BAAAD idea, and I must admit, I agree. I just wanted to be sure to get my post up this morning-- OH and guess what... I have a piano lesson tonight at 6 pm!  SO yeah, totally stoked about that!  I will need to probably find a day that I can do it earlier becuase I have to be careful about losing balance. I do that super easy and I already feel like I am letting Dave down because school is taking so much time. THE good thing--I have managed to NOT miss picking kids up and have on the weekends not been SOOO consumed with homework that I fail my family.  I am still working on some stuff from my Bible Study and hope that I will be finding better balance on the work end of life here this weekend (of course I set my mind to that and it will happen... fill the time with stuff that is productive I keep reminding myself.  MAKE that list)  OK well I am going to go and eat, and then get to that "list" so I can spend a few hours learning about what Dave needs from me for the filing.  I really want to just remove that burden from him... I know he is being so kind and not pushing me but I really need him to know, HE MY PRIORTY to me... I just sometimes don't make him feel that way!  SO I am determined to SHOW him that HE MY PRIORTY! 

Cycling tonight for sure... the weather has turned and I am hoping soon to have Saturday "long" trips again.  I sooo loved those. Another subject for another day!

Blessings

e

tomorrow.... gasp



really am I going to feel like
this every Wednesday?



SOOO
tomorrow is Thursday. I am trying really hard not to be to brutal on myself when I actually see the scale tomorrow. I mean I am really really trying to NOT be discouraged if the number doesn't move or goes the wrong direction... AND to not be overly confident if it does... Tonight possible bike ride, or I may take tonight off and do some much needed math homework. It seems to be a struggle for me this time.  I am about in tears because I can't get the quadratic formula to work on a problem.. I may just take a quickie ride to say I MOVED for a little while. OK well I am going to go make dinner then work on my math.. (even though I really want to work on my computer stuff.) OH did I say, I practiced my piano for a long time today and am WAAAY excited that I played up to the place where you use the "damper" pedal.. I did not know it was called that until I started working through my book.  It is officially time to get a teacher, I am not sure if I am playing these things right.. so it is highly frustrating.. I know I am going to start with a teacher and she is going to make me go back to square one and that may be frustrating... well maybe I can get the self teaching.. now that I know I have a shot at actually doing that!
OK enough for now. I have to go make dinner....

Weekend Report

WEEKENDS… they are my biggest weakness in the "lifestyle" change. I tend to be more accepting of not following a diet or making little exceptions. I also don't usually work out on the weekends. I will simply just "take the day off" WELL I can tell that I am determined and made up my mind.

While I did not fix dinner on Saturday night (grrrrrr ) (-_-) Dave and I went to Jimmy John's and had a sub. I only ate half of it and then after my game, I ate the other half. I was happy about that. I also did not get any M&Ms or other such treat for myself when we went to QT. I know that seems small, but it is kind of a funny thing about me. I have times that I allow myself to do things like down a bag of M&Ms—at the games is one of those times. I think well you are running around and "exercising" so you can "afford" a bag of M&Ms when in reality that is not how you get ahead of your addiction… that is how you make an excuse to continue "sneaking" food. I am a sweets sneaker. I will go to the grocery store and if the kids are not with me, I will buy a candy bar or a little chocolate milk eat/drink it before I get home. It is weird that I give myself the ok to do that. I will also give myself permission if someone else buys it for me. It is something I have to recognize and do better at.

SmartOnes and Lean Cuisine have come out with "larger portions" for the frozen foods. I like them they fill me up and I don't feel bad about eating them! A lot of times I would still be hungry and deny myself after eating the smaller portion ones, so I would eat other stuff thinking it was not enough… I tend to eat twice the calories when I do that. TODAY I realize I am not hungry when I eat the "larger" sized. SO I eat only the 300 or so calories for lunch instead of eating 240 then another 300 as additions to the smaller portions. Anyway, that is just my learning to deal with my rationalization of when and what I eat. I have an issue with Obsessive Calorie Counting. I am not sure what a meal calorie count is… and if I remember, then I think I must at all cost stay under it and in fact eat as few as I possibly can. If I can I will not eat more than 500 calories during the day and then I am "allowed" to eat more at dinner. I will short myself then at dinner because I am having a "good" day. I am pretty sure that is wrong, but I can't stop myself. IF I see a "snack" that is more than 100 calories I will feel terrible if I eat it. I also will if a snack is under 100 calories eat one then give myself permission to eat another because it was after all ONLY 90 calories… HOW messed up is that? I don't know. I do know that I also sometimes just say… forget it… I am eating whatever I want. That is not any better. It is a TERRIBLE cycle I am in. I don't know how to get out of it. I wonder should I talk to Jean about it? I mean, I want to be healthy and I know going to the gym usually leads to me "starving" myself and then I feel bad and I will overeat (justifying it all along the way). Then I will get tired of the cycle and go back to the "Dave loves me at whatever size I am" What I forget is it is NOT only about "looking" good (although for many, many years I felt like that was my primary function!) it is about BEING healthy… and I am NOT.

OK so tonight is John's birthday dinner at Red Lobster! MMMMM, soooo what will I do? Will I just go with my pattern and "eat as I please, after all it's a celebration!" NO is the answer. I am going onto the internet to get the nutritional information and make my dinner decision BEFORE I go to the restaurant. That is how I keep my mind set. I will avoid the cheesy biscuits that I like, but really are they worth losing ground? NO-
One last thing—softball, oh, softball—I actually really like playing. I just wish I was a better player. I know that I was actually trying to remember all that stuff Dave has told me all these years… shift in the outfield (although I am in the far right field—lamest position on the whole field) BUT I did throw to the right base when the one ball dribbled out to me.. AND I covered 1^st base anytime she had a ball thrown her direction. I realized as I was "watching" the game from my lame position, I know more about the game then I thought--- even if the umpire didn't really give his old wife a chance to get to her position before calling out "let go" it was a little frustrating.. I was jogging out to my position and never made it in time… (-_-) grrr… Oh well there is always next week. I ALSO have made a promise to go wherever Sean tells me and not be a complainer on the team… there will always be enough people to fit that position—I AM team player this year!
                                                   
         
That is my weekend report.

Day 1: just thinking

 

Here we are.. 11:27am and I have my support individual in place, and have been to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes at 2.8 – 3.5. I feel like if I don't record THIS I would be remiss. When I got off the treadmill I was dizzy and lightheaded. I didn't feel like I had exerted myself but for a few minutes, I was feeling weird. I also had a lot of pain in my foot. It seems that was a big reason I laid off exercise the last time. SO I will talk to some people and find out if there are some shoes or something I can get to relieve some of that pain. I am almost 100% sure it is because of my shoes. I may need to break down and buy some actual good shoes.

Eating is another issue for me. I don't really "overeat" I just eat food of a lesser quality which in turn makes me gain. I also (in the past) have become very obsessive about calories. I am NOT a person that can count calories. I will forever rob myself of calories in fear that at the end of the day I will have gone over OR run out. It's weird, I don't really know why I do that. I know that I am supposed to eat throughout the day, BUT I get weird and short my caloric intake until about 3 pm when my body begins to crash.. and I eat and eat stuff that is unwise choices. Today after I went to the gym I stopped at Sprouts (which always makes me feel better) and got stuff for lunch. I also got some snacks for while I am at school and snacks for home.

Here is my encouragement for today: "Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways (eating, exercising, homework, balancing life, kids, family, health—etc.) acknowledge Him (for the blessings, and His wisdom and guidance) and HE will make your path straight (which means I am not alone in this!) PROVERBS 3:5-6 (my personalization in parenthesis and italics).

SO that verse is encouraging because… I am not alone in this battle… AND GOD is undefeated and UNDEFEATABLE! That is having a winner on your side. I am going to cling to this a lot I think. SO God, here I am , and I am ready to see YOU work in my life. Let me be an encouragement to someone today, and a loving example of what YOU are to me—everything J

the beginning

So here I am.. beginning a journey that I am praying to God will change my life.  A lot of bad things have happended in the last year.  I do not want to dwell on them. Today I start taking my life back.  I am working through the MTS Bible Study and I am a journaler. SO I decided to do this for me... Today I begin the hard work involved in changing the outside-- I have done this many time before, but my DH said to me, from a book he was reading, "you know why people that want to be rich aren't?  and people that want to be healthy and tone aren't"... I of course responded with "no, do tell" At which time he propmtly sent my head whirlling and did not even realize it.  .
"BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T DECIDED THEY REALLY WANT THOSE THINGS"
Well that has been stewing-- and I realized that is true...
1. I wanted really wanted to go back to school.........I am back in school carrying a full load
2. I wanted really wanted to get "A"s in school.....I am getting "A"s in fact I am now a memeber of Phi Theta Kappa (honor's society)
3. I wanted really wantedto learn the piano......I have taught myself piano and have decided to get a teacher.
4. I wanted really wanted to get rid of the demons that haunt my memories...........I am in MTS and forcing myself to face them and get healing
5. I want to be healthy.........Today, I am making the first step and going to the gym!

SO I have decided, that I want to re-enter the fitness game.  BUT I want to be smart about it, soo I need to seek some guidence. (I am going to the gym to begin today) I also want to learn more about "health" and the right way for someone my age and weight to effectively lose the pounds that seem to be increasing -
Here are a few things I know I need to do (beginning today)

1. PRAY daily for GOD to show me what I is true in the fitness world. (so many contradictions and I am helplessly confused
2. EDUCATE myself on good things that can help me, bewary of old habits that are unhealthy
3. DRINK more WATER
4. MOVE at least 30 minutes a day
5. EAT food that is whole and not fried
6. AVOID my personal addiction to fast food.. (notice AVOID--not CUT OFF COMPLETELY!)
7. PLAN my meals
8. ENLIST support...
9. ENCOURAGE myself... and ask my support person to help
10. REPORT my feelings and progresses...

SO I begin today

my REPORT is I weigh 230.8 pounds  that is hard to write.. but I know I will defeat this demon as well!  BUT I will weigh myself ONCE a week (apparently on Thursdays) and I will BLOG to motivate myself. 
OH and later I will talk about BALANCE.. oh that is a tough one for me.. BUT I can do it!